I was Her.
By Aayushi 5:41:00 PM milestoneSometimes it is really hard to understand and accept things that just come without any evident reason.I remember those days when I used to sit in the creepy corners of my room all by myself crying hard enough to ache my throat.Those days when I was not me.I was her.
She was slowly, secretly evolving in the deep dark hidden corners of me and I could never gather myself to throw light upon those esoteric corners.May be because I myself did never realize that such veiled angles existed in me. I was me. She was her. But she was becoming me and I was becoming her.She kept on expanding her territory in me and I kept on evanescing my own identity. I was weak. She was alluring.I was innocent. She was cajole.I succumbed. She captured.I lost. She won.
Now I was her.
Just like the waves betray their own shore, so was I destroying my own self.To me, sadness became happiness and sorrow became desires.I began finding pleasure in pains. My dimensions of being changed and I kept on degrading myself. The worst part was that the sucking gloom had become my weakness. All through the day I used to sit in my room and my tears won't stop rolling down my cheeks. All the sad things began attracting me. I google searched each and every sad story, every sad quote was there in my diary, I found all the possible ways under the sky to dwell deeper and deeper into this glumness. Days became a burden to pass by. I did nothing the whole day. Just sat and cry. Alone. Weak. I used to hear people saying but my eyes did not follow their talks. They were in their own world dreaming and dwelling in sadness. Guilt. Gloom. Life had become a barge I was carrying on my shoulders walking barefooted in the deserts. Eyes wet because of the endless pain thrust upon me by the cruel hardships which actually never existed(all drawn by my unbelievable ability of visualizing the heartbreaking). Every morning brought with it a new pain. A new burden. Noo..I would cry. I don't want to live one more day. I wanna end this all up. I wanna run away. Run away to a different world. A world where there is noone I know. I want a new life. A new happy life. Alas. This was not possible. I could not bring up myself to give up this life. I was not that strong. For me, the persona of every single thing around changed. They looked new. They looked different. They reflected hatred now. For once I remember I thought I am changed. Forever and always.
Now when I look back and find my road filled with happy milestones, I feel glad that I never ended this life. I stuck to it. Come whatever may. I learnt to be happy. I learnt to walk again. I learnt to live. Up have I risen. Strong. Happy. Flawless. I shooed away the she in me and now I'm me again. I love you me<3
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